Protect Your Boundaries with Strategic Writing

Fortune online magazine Associate Editor Orianna Rosa Royle reported in May that "Nearly 4 in 10 millennials secretly take time off work and go on vacation behind their bosses [sic] back." Interviews suggest many of these professionals are simply following the only path they feel they have left to protect their physical and mental health. If they can't ask for the breaks they naturally need to prevent burnout, they create those breaks.

But how can we protect our boundaries and mental health without having to take a secret vacation? In a professional setting full of scope creep, it can feel hard to decline requests that add on time, and hard to get away. Strategic writing and communication can help us find a few other ways to say "no" and maintain boundaries while also maintaining good relationships at work.

Managing Requests/Workload and Saying "No"

Saying "no" or saying one needs time off can feel scary. Many of us have been conditioned to worry about saying "no," and often to feel like we're letting someone down. In fact, we're just fulfilling our responsibility to care for ourselves—to maintain our own health and productivity.

We may be afraid to decline a request for many reasons.

Fear or reprisals, fear of a hurt reputation, guilt, the anxiety of not knowing what happened, or even FOMO can get us, making it harder to say "no."

Below, I'll share a few ways to say "no" productively—in a way that shouldn't hurt the relationship. You can write them in an email or text or say them on the phone or in a meeting. You'll know which is right for your situation by thinking about your particular reader or listener.

#1. The "Can, but Can't" Approach

Start positive. I used to catch myself emailing something like this to a client: "No, I'm not available that week. However, I have availability in August." This is fine, but recently I've upgraded to something like: "I have availability in August. But I'm not available that week." Can before Can't just sets a more collaborative tone.

#2. The Direct "No, But"

In some cases, you may feel like #1 is less direct. After all, the word "no" isn't really in my upgraded example. You may feel like your supervisor would prefer something very direct.

In these cases, go ahead and say "no," but follow it up right away with a "but" or a "however." This might look like one of the following:

• "No, I can't attend that session, but is there another one in August?"

• "I'm not free that day, but I'd be happy to do some editing next week."

• "Actually I can't do that today, but tomorrow morning's open."

#3. The Prioritizer

If you're being asked to take on more work when you already have too many projects going, it can be hard to know what to prioritize! One way to show your supervisor what you're dealing with—and possibly get to say "no" to this latest ask—is to ask their advice.

For example, if you're asked to take on managing a new project for Onboarding new employees, but you're already busy creating the session's HR presentation and assigning mentors, it might be too much. In this case, you could try emailing, calling, or texting your supervisor to ask something like:

• Should I focus on Onboarding now and postpone the mentor partnerships?

• Which of these three projects needs to be finished first?

• Which of these three projects would you like me to drop for now?

Protecting Time and Space from Constant Communication

I am often shocked to find out how often some of my clients receive communication from their managers outside of typical work hours.

Even when emails subside, sometimes texts take over for the evening and into the night. Group texts can make the pings and dings even more constant when you're hearing notifications as each person feels pressured to respond with a 😄 or 👍🏼.

Here are a few strategies for managing or reducing the need to answer commu

nications outside work hours. Of course, you know best what's feasible with your particular supervisor. But, personal lives, boundaries, and work-life balance should be respected, so here are some tips that may help.

#1. Notifications Management

We have the right to protect our mental space by not constantly getting pulled back to our phones when we're busy with personal time. We haven't always been reachable 24/7 and you know what? We still don't have to be.

Remember you always have the ability to manage (i.e. reduce) notifications. I took my email notifications off my phone in February when we visited students and professors in Mexico, and you know what? I still haven't turned them back on.

#2. The Power of a Frank and Honest Conversation

Often, our supervisors aren't able to understand how our day works, why our morning was so busy, or why it's hard to reach us in the evenings. I've found it helps to share The Why with bosses when feasible. I remember, for example, sharing with one boss that I needed to pick up my daughter at the university pre-school around midday each day, and then I'd come back. Once my boss understood why I wasn't agreeing to noon meetings, it wasn't a problem.

Often, I've found that once I share about whatever is keeping me busy or tied up day-to-day, supervisors and colleagues will say something like, "Oh! I didn't know you were dealing with that right now," and offer something helpful. Personally, I can be a bit of an under-sharer (what's the opposite of TMI? NEI?), and I've found that when I do let folks in and share about my day-to-day, it can help.

#3. The Show It Till They Get It Approach

This one's about modeling and setting the right example. Identify your boundary to yourself then quietly practice it. Perhaps you're cutting off responding to emails after 5pm. Make sure to keep doing it. People will notice and adapt.

Whatever boundary you're creating, if people aren't responding, sometimes you just have to act on it. Maybe you don't want to answer phone calls before 8am because you're taking your kids to school. Don't answer the phone when it rings at 7:45. This can feel like a power play, but we have to protect ourselves. Eventually, people will get it. You can have that conversation at 8am and do a great job!

These days, everyone's being asked to do more. When our bosses are also busy, they don't always have time to track our schedules and know what we're working on. This means it's often our responsibility to protect our boundaries—through writing, through a conversation, or through our chosen behaviors.

I hope some of these strategies are helpful. English Language Coach Scottie Spurzem and I also discussed this in a video about how to say "no" back in 2023, so feel free to take a look if you'd like to think on this a bit more!

—Erin Lebacqz